Wednesday, January 7, 2009
A Chinese Odyssey Part One:Pandora's Box
Guanyin (Goddess of Mercy): Sun Wukong, you are such a cad (brute). In order to marry the sister of Bull King, you went as far as to take your master Tang Sanzang as a gift and invite the devils and ghosts to a banquet to eat him. Do you admit that?
Sun Wukong: You bitch! You have chased me for three days and three nights. The only reason I didn’t kill you is because you are a woman, not because I was afraid of you!
Tang Seng: Wukong, how can you talk to Sister Guanyin in such a manner?
Wukong: Grr, shut up!
Tang Seng: You are trying to scare me again.
Joker: Sun Wukong, Tan Sanzang?
Guanyin: Do you know what a heinous crime you have committed? You took the Pandora’s box from Fairy Zixia. Aren’t you trying to hide from me?
Wukong: Since it is impossible to hide from you, let’s fight to the death!
(Wukong carelessly tosses aside the Pandora’s box.)
Tangseng: What are you doing?
(The Pandora’s box is flying to the Joker. Joker tries to catch it, but Tang Seng grabs it first.)
Tangseng: Oh, my… Wukong, you are such a naughty boy. I have told you not to throw things around. It is not right to throw things… I am not finished; yet, you are tossing your staff now! The Pandora’s box is a treasure. You are polluting the environment by throwing it away. Ayah, what if it hit a child? Even if it doesn’t hit a child, it doesn’t do any good for the flowers and grass!
(Wukong clutches the Pandora’s box.)
Tangseng: What are you doing?
Wukong: Let go of it!
Tangseng: You want it? Wukong, if you want it, you only need say so. If you want it, I will give it to you. If you want it, I certainly will not refuse to give it to you. It is impossible that if you want it, that I wouldn’t give it back to you, and it is impossible that if you wouldn’t want it, whereupon I would insist on giving it back to you. We must be reasonable! Let me count to three. You state it clearly whether you want it or not…
(Wukong punches Tangseng to the ground.)
Guanyin: Ah? Sun Wukong!
Wukong: Ha Ha, you all see this? This guy is full of shit, like old women who talk incessantly on nothing - like a fly buzzing all the time. Buzzing…sorry, not just one, but a swarm of flies surrounding you. Buzz….Buzz… flying to your ears. Save me, please save me.
(Wukong is rolling on the ground, in great pain.)
Wukong: So, I grabbed the fly, cut its belly, pulled out its intestine, strangled its neck with its intestine, and gave a forceful pull. Aha… Its tongue was completely out. And then I raised the sword, and chopped it. Ha, the entire world became silent. Now everybody is clear why I want to kill him!
Tang Seng: Is that true?
Guanyin: These are all your pretextes. You don’t really want to get the Holy Scriptures at all. No matter what you say, you unscrupulous behavior is unforgivable!
Tang Seng: Sister, this time you are wrong!
Tang Seng: That Wukong wants to eat me is just a hypothesis, which has not become a fact. Without evidence, how can you accuse him of any crime? You must wait until he eats me. It is not too late to wait until that moment when you get sufficient evidence.
Guanyin: Tang Sanzang, I have long heard about your anoyance, but I never thought you would be as annoying as this. I gave you the gold headband to control this monkey. But you didn’t even use it!
Tang Seng: Ai. The size of that headband is way off. It is too heavy in the front and too light in the other end, too broad on the left and too narrow on the right. He felt so uncomfortable wearing it. It turned him into an insomniac. It bothered me, also. Although he is a monkey, you can’t treat him like this. If the government knew what I did to him, I will be accused of animal abuse. Speaking of that gold headband, last year I got to know a blacksmith in the Village Chen. He is very skillful and charges a reasonable price. He treats both the old and young with honesty. Let me introduce him to you so that you can order a new headband!
Wu Kong: Quiet!
(Both Wukong and Guanyin extend their hands to clutch the neck of Tang seng. Guanyin, shocked at herself, pulling back her hand instantly.)
Guanyin: I’ve sinned!
Wukong: Now you can understand my pains! Come on, agree!
(Wukong flings the Pandora’s Box towards Guanyin. Guanyin brushes it away. Joke moves on to catch it, but Tang Seng grabs it again. After a fierce fight, Wukong is defeated by Guanyin and drawn into the Holy Vase.)
Guanyin: Today I am bringing justice to the world!
Tang Seng: Please be merciful, Sister Guanyin. Who has never made a mistake? Anyway, he is my disciple. A master has to take responsibility for the faults of his disciple. Please spare his life, Sister.
Guanyin: If I don’t exterminate him, I can’t go back to answer the Jade Emperor!
Tangseng: I won’t make your life difficult. Please deliver a message to the Jade Emperor for me. I would like to exchange my life for his. As it is said, if I don’t go to hell, who should? Please understand me. What I am doing is to teach my disciple, which is also in line with the spirit of fearlessness of the magnanimous Buddha.
(Tengseng makes the Zen gesture, placing the Pandora’s box aside.).
Guanyin: Good grief! Wu Kong, I hope that one day you will understand your master’s spirit to sacrifice himself for the holy cause.
Tangseng: (Throws his staff to the sky.)
Namo Amita Buddha!