The Translation Blog

在这个blog里，我会贴一些余暇时间里为了提高自己英语水平的翻译练习，与大家互相交流。好的翻译是没有止境的，因此，希望各位多多指正，多提宝贵意见。这些翻译均属原创，部分内容由Ms. Mae 修改润色。

龍應臺：正眼看西方

View the West with Impartiality

說台灣非常崇洋？

People say that Taiwan idolizes foreign cultures?

好像是的。不管貨品好壞，一加上洋文包裝，就有人趨之若騖。走進豪華大飯店，侍者對外國客人殷勤備至，對自己的同胞卻往往視而不見。有難題存在，總要打上 “有礙國際觀瞻”的字號才能得到快速的解決，如果有政客來訪，記者最強調的，是此人對台灣印象好不好。在教育上，當年背誦“床前明月光”和“臣密言、臣以險釁”的一代，現在忙著送下一代到英語幼稚園讀“哈羅，你好嗎”。每年夏天一批一批優秀或不優秀的青年乘著一架又一架的七四七到西方去接受頭腦與精神的改造。到了彼岸，大部分就不再回頭。

It seems to be the case. Regardless of the quality of the product, when it’s labeled in a foreign language, people will flock to buy it. Upon entering a luxury hotel or restaurant, one sees that the service people are obsequious to foreigners, but oblivious of their compatriots. In order to get a speedy resolution to a thorny problem, one must always refer to the possible damage to Taiwan’s international image. Whenever a foreign dignitary comes to Taiwan, the reporters always want to emphasize his opinion of Taiwan’s image. Regarding education, the generation who used to proudly recite Chinese poetry and classics, are now rushing to get their children into kindergartens that teach them how to say ‘hello’ and ‘how are you’ in English. Every summer waves of brilliant and not so brilliant young people take jets to the west to ameliorate their brains and spirits. After they cross the ocean, most of them never return.

可是台灣真的祟洋嗎？

But does Taiwan really idolize foreign cultures?

好像又不是。一個金髮朋友在動物園裏看檻欄裏的猴子，旁邊一個年輕人突然大聲說：“哇塞！猴子看猴子！”周圍的人愉快地大笑。這位中文非常好的朋友一句話不說地走開。認為西方人是猴子、鬼子、蠻子的中國人可還真不少。中國菜世界第一，中國人會用筷子真聰明，中國人講禮義廉恥、重倫理道德，西方人卻功利現實、人情澆薄。中國的夫妻一夜就有百世的恩情，西方的男女輕薄隨便，道德敗壞。中國人在制禮作樂的時候，西方人還在茹毛飲血呢！

It doesn’t really seem so. One fair haired friend of mine was looking at monkeys in the zoo, and suddenly a young man beside him shouted out, ‘Hey look, a monkey is watching monkeys!’ The people around them burst into laughter. My friend who understood Chinese left without saying a word. There are not just a few such Chinese who still regard foreigners as monkeys, barbarians and ‘foreign devils.’ The Chinese regard their cuisine as the finest in the world and consider themselves smarter because they can use chopsticks. The Chinese have higher moral standards and follow rules whereas westerners are more mercenary and very superficial. To a Chinese couple, one night together results in feelings lasting for a lifetime; whereas, most westerners tend to be promiscuous and have little sense of fidelity. When the Chinese were handing out moral concepts and building civilization, the westerners were still barbaric, eating raw and bloody meat.

如果說台灣祟洋的心理很深，那麼“反洋”的情緒卻一點兒也不弱。寫文章的A，一旦提到西方的優點，就得趕忙下個注解：“我不是祟洋！” 作為招架之用。“祟洋”這個辭本身就是個罵人的話，表示我們的社會一方面深深受西方文明的吸引，一方面心底又有很深的排拒感。在這兩種衝突的情緒左右之下，就產生許多奇怪的現象。

If you say that Taiwan has a strong tendency to idolize the west, its xenophobia is no less. Writer A would always add to any suggestion he made that the west had any advantages a caveat that he was not idolizing the west. The fact that the phrase ‘idolizing foreign cultures’ is negative in connotation indicates that on the one hand our society is deeply attracted to the western civilization and on the other hand, we have a strong aversion in our hearts. Our society being torn between these two conflicting feelings gives rise to many strange phenomena.

譬如說，如果某個生在台灣的金髮小孩說，“我要作中國人，我不要回美國”，或是哪個傳教士說，“我熱愛中華文化，我把一生獻給中國”，我們的報紙會大加喧騰，每個中國人都覺得得意。反過來說，如果一個生於美國的中國孩子說，“我不要作中國人”，或一個留學生膽敢宣佈“我熱愛美國文化，我要獻身美國”，恐怕 很少中國人不氣憤填胸，罵這個人是數典忘祖的叛徒。也就是說，別人仰慕我們理所當然，我們卻絕對不可以欽佩別人。這個心理怎麼解釋？

For example, if a Taiwan born fair haired westerner says, ‘I want to be a Chinese and I don’t want to go to the U.S,’ or a foreign missionary says ‘I love the Chinese culture and would like to devote my life to China,’ our newspapers would applaud their actions profusely and every Chinese would feel validated. On the flipside, if an American born Chinese says, ‘I don’t want to be a Chinese,’ or a Chinese international student dares to claim that he loves American Culture and would like to devote himself to America,’ I’m afraid that many Chinese would resent and be angry at this and call him a traitor. In other words, we expect other people to look up to us, but we never allow ourselves to really appreciate other cultures. How can you make sense of this mentality?

許多父母千方百計地把兒女送到國外，以逃避台灣的聯考制度。這些父母被指責為祟洋媚外。而事實上，在台灣凡是作父母的，大概心頭都有一個解不開的結：希望孩子無憂無慮地長大，可是在教育制度的箝制下，不得不眼看著他眼鏡愈戴愈厚、書愈讀愈死、精神愈逼愈緊張。如果有機會，哪一個父母不希望兒女能逃過這個制度？在這種情況之下，有父母送子女出國，我們不沉痛地檢討教育制度的缺失，問為什麼台灣留不住人，反而拿出“崇洋”的帽子來指責，這不是也很奇怪嗎？

Many parents use whatever means they can to send their children abroad so as to escape from Taiwan’s national examination. These parents are being criticized as being the ‘idolizers of foreign cultures.’ But as a matter of fact, all parents in Taiwan have unresolved concerns regarding their children’s welfare: they all want their children to have a care-free childhood, but with the current education system being so repressive, they have no choice but watch their children wearing thicker glasses and becoming bookworms and nervous wrecks. If there was a choice, what parent would not want their children to get away from this education system? Under the circumstances, when we see parents like these, we are not repentant nor examining the flaws in our education system and asking why Taiwan is losing them, instead labeling them as ‘idolizers of western cultures.’ Isn’t this a strange phenomenon?

掙紮在祟洋與排外兩種心態之間，我們有時候就像個同時具有自卑感與自大狂的個人。 對人，做不到不卑不亢。許多人對金髮碧眼的人固然是討好賠笑，過度的諂媚，也有許多人特意地表現自尊而故意以傲慢無禮的態度相對。我們的駐外人員有時在簽證手續土刁難外人，所採的大概就是‘我偏要整你”的心理。在自卑與自大的攪混之下，對事我們就做不到客觀冷靜。在討論台灣種種社會問題時，常發現三種直覺的反應。其一是：“怎麼，老說咱們不好，西方就沒這些問題嗎？”

Struggling between the feelings of idolization and rejection of the west, sometimes we seem like schizophrenics with dual personalities, one self-pitying and one arrogant. Thus we cannot be objective in our interaction with others. Obviously, there are many obsequious people, just as there are those who want impress foreigners of their patriotism and pretend to be rude and arrogant intentionally. Our overseas stationed staffs, because of this kind of mentality, sometimes would deliberately make it difficult for visa applicants. Because of this mixture of arrogance and self-pity, we cannot see things as objectively as we should. When we discuss social issues about Taiwan, we usually get three different spontaneous reactions, one being ‘Why are we being so critical of ourselves. Does this not happen in the west?”

我可不懂，台灣有的缺點，與西方有什麼關係？難道說，好，義大利也臟，所以台灣臟得有道理？墨西哥的污染也很嚴重，所以我們污染沒有關係？別的國家有相似的問題，於是我們的問題就可以隨它去？不管西方有沒有類似的問題，我們仍舊得正視自己的缺陷，不是嗎？

I don’t understand it. Being that it’s Taiwan’s problem, what does it have to do with the west? If Italy had this problem, does that mean Taiwan does not need to fix this problem? Does the fact that Mexico is heavily polluted mean that pollution is not a big deal in Taiwan? Is it true that as long as other countries have the same problems, we can just let ours go? So regardless whether the west has similar problems, we still have to confront ours, is that not true?

第二種反應是：“你老說歐美文明進步，你崇洋！”這種說辭完全是感情用事。如果有人說歐洲乾淨，那麼正常的反應應該是，第一問，歐洲乾淨是否事實？第二 問，“乾淨”是不是我們想要的東西？如果兩問答案都屬肯定，那麼第三問：我們如何傚法，做到“乾淨“？整個程式和祟洋不祟洋扯不上一丁點的關係。

The second reaction is: ‘You keep saying the west is more advanced. You are idolizing it!’ Such a reaction is totally emotional. If someone says that Europe is clean, the normal reaction should be to: One, ask whether the fact that Europe is clean is true, and two, ask whether ‘cleanness’ is something that we also want to have? If the answer to both of these two questions is yes, then we should ask what we can do to make Taiwan clean. The entire logic has completely nothing to do with whether one is idolizing foreign cultures or not.

第三種常出現的反應，尤其來自官方，是說：“那是西方的，不合台灣實情！”這”不合台灣實情”是個很重的大帽子，一方面罵人家崇洋、一方面罵人家不切實際，一方面也擋住了改革的呼求。什麼建議或觀念，只要加上“西方”的標幟，就容易以“不合台灣實情”來打發掉、而事實上‘凡是“西方”的，不一定就“不合 台灣實情”，‘不合台灣實情”也不表示不能作。公德心不合台灣實情吧？我們要不要公德心？近一代民主是西方的，我們要不要民主？守法似乎也不合台灣實情, 我們要不要守法？

The third most common reaction, which usually comes from the government, is that ‘that is western, and does not fit Taiwan’s current reality!’ Such a ‘not fitting Taiwan’s current reality’ actually has some very broad meanings. It does not only criticize the speaker as being an idolizer of foreign cultures and being impractical, but it also quells the demand for reform. Whatever the proposals or concepts, as long as they are labeled ‘Western’, they will be easily dismissed by ‘not fitting Taiwan’s current reality.’ However, not everything western is ‘not fitting Taiwan’s current reality,’ and things that are ‘not fitting Taiwan’s current reality’ are not necessarily not doable. Being ‘civic minded’ may not be ‘fitting Taiwan’s current reality’, but shouldn’t it be a part of us? Modern democracy is western, but don’t we also need it? Living by the law seems not ‘fitting Taiwan’s current reality,’ but shouldn’t we live by the law?

這三種反應都很情緒化；“我們應該關切的是歐美一些價值觀念或行為值不值得我們擷取。如果值得，那麼不管西方不西方，都應該見賢思齊，努力地去“祟洋”。 如果不值得，那麼不管西方不西方，我們都不要受誘惑。但是我們若不能清除掉對西方的情緒作用——盲目地媚洋也好，義和團式的反洋也好——我們就永遠不可能面對西方，就事論事，作客觀而合理的判斷。

All three of these reactions are emotional. What we should focus on is whether the western values and behaviors have attributes that we should emulate. If they have, it shouldn’t matter whether it is ‘western’ or not, we should accept it as worthy of ‘idolizing’. If they don’t, it shouldn’t matter either, and we should resist the temptation of accepting it. If we cannot resolve the emotional influence against foreign and western cultures, -- either blindly idolizing them, or blatantly dismissing them – we will never be able to face the west without prejudice and make objective and reasonable judgments.

當一個西方人說：“在台灣吃東西有中毒的危險，過街有被撞死的可能。中國人臟、亂、嘈雜、粗魯”的時候，大概沒有幾個中國人不勃然大怒的，但是我不，因為我知道，當中國人從東南亞或其他地區回來的時候，他們也說：“哇！那邊好落後，吃東西有中毒的危險，上街會被撞死。他們又臟、又亂、又吵，真受不了！” “他們”聽了又如何？用自家一把尺量天下的，不僅只西方人而已。這個世界，有醜陋的美國人，也有醜陋的日本人、德國人、法國人，你想，就少得了醜陋的中國人嗎？

When a westerner says,’ there’s a risk of getting food poisoning when eating in Taiwan; or being run over by a car when crossing the street, or that the Chinese are dirty, messy, loud and rude,” very few Chinese wouldn’t become furious at these statements. But I wouldn’t, because I know when the Chinese return from travels to southeastern Asia, they also complain that, ‘Wow, they are backwards. You can get poisoned eating there and easily run over by a car. They are so dirty, so messy, and so loud, totally unbearable!’ How would ‘they’ feel at hearing it? Comparing others in the world by your own standards, is not limited to just westerners. In this world, there are ‘ugly’ Americans, ‘ugly’ Japanese … Germans and Frenchmen. How could you imagine that there would be no ‘ugly’ Chinese?

更何況，聽到別人批評時，正常合理的反應應該是，先問他說的是否真有其事？若真有其事，如何改進？在聽到西方人的批評之後，或者因民族情緒高漲而勃然大怒，或者特別為了討好西方而快馬加鞭，都是不正常的心理表現。

Moreover, when we hear criticism from others, the normal and reasonable reaction should be to ask first, whether it is a fact, and if so, how I can improve. When we hear criticism from foreigners, it is not a normal psychological reaction to either get furious out of your strong sense of nationalism, or be over-accommodating because of your desire to please the west.

收音機裏聽到立法委員說：“我們出去考察，發覺歐美國會議員都有助理，我們沒有，害我們很不好意思……”說得理直氣壯，我聽得一頭霧水：因為他們有，所以我們也要——這是什麼邏輯？但是今天好像這個現象很普遍：紐約有地下車的塗鴉畫，台北也要有，不管有多難看。美國有自由女神，咱們也來個孔子大像，不管是否實際。這是心理上的奴隸。反過來，別人出國深造，我偏不出去，我愛國。西方講開放容忍，我就偏講保守的美德；西方人談尊重個人，我就偏說團隊至上。西方愈怎麼樣，我就愈是不怎麼樣。這，也是心理上的奴隸。我們必須除去這個心魔，才能正眼看著西方——他們反核，我們要不要？他們反污染，我們要不要？他們有休假制度，我們要不要？他們講性開放，我們要不要？每一件事作客觀冷靜的、不自卑不自大、不情緒反應的探討，中國人才有可能從西方巨大的陰影中自己站出 來。否則，祟洋或反洋，我們都是別人的奴隸。

On the radio, a legislator said that ‘when we are on business trips, we found that all European and American congressmen had their own assistants with them, but we didn’t, which made us feel lesser...’ He said it adamantly, but I was blown away by this argument: ‘since they had them, we should have them’ – what kind of logic is that? But such a mentality is very common these days: Since there is graffiti in the subways of New York, so therefore, Taiwan should have it, despite its ugliness. Since America has the Statue of Liberty, so therefore, we need a giant ‘statue of Confucius,’ despite its impracticality. This mentality is being psychologically enslaved. On the flip side, ‘since other people go abroad to study, I would not because I am patriotic.’ “The west values ‘openness and tolerance’, whereas I would value the virtue of conservatism.” “The westerners espouse ‘individualism’, whereas I espouse ‘collectivism’.” ‘Whatever the west embraces, I would do the opposite.’ Again, this is psychological enslavement. We must rid ourselves of this shackle and view the west with impartiality – If they oppose nuclear proliferation, should we too? If they are getting rid of pollution, should we also? They have paid vacations, should we? They tolerate sexual liberation, should we? For each separate issue, we should consider it objectively, neither with self-pity nor with arrogance, and discuss it without any negative emotions. Only by using these parameters, can the Chinese stand out from the giant shadow of the west. Otherwise, whether we ‘idolize’ or ‘oppose’ to foreign cultures, we will always be the slaves of others.

原載一九八五年五月一日《中國時報·人間》

《孔乙己 》 英语 翻译

Kong Yi Ji Chinese Classics - by Sparkling English

Kong Yiji

By Lu Xun

The layout of the wine taverns in Lu Town is quite different from those in other towns. There is always an L-shaped counter facing the street. Hot water is kept available at the counter so that it can be used to warm the yellow wine at any time. Laborers, back from work at noon or dusk, would spend 4 coppers to get a bowl of yellow wine – that was the price over 20 years ago and a bowl of wine costs 10 coppers now—where they lean over the counter, drink the warm wine and have their “happy hour“. With one more copper, you can get a dish of salted bamboo shoots or anise beans to go with the wine. If you are willing to pay over 10 coppers, you can buy a meat dish,. But most of the customers are the “Short Jackets” who cannot afford such luxuries, whereas, those who wear robes would stride to the back room, order their wine with some dishes and sit there taking their time to eat and drink.


At age 12, I started to work as a busboy at Xianheng wine tavern located at the entrance of the town. The tavern keeper said that I had a dumb looking face and was probably not smart enough to serve the “robed clientele,” and thus should only work in the front room. The “short jackets” in the front room, although usually easy going, were no less troublesome. Some wouldn’t be satisfied until they saw me scoop out the wine from the wine jar with their own eyes, to make sure that there was no water at the bottom of the pitcher. And even watched me put the pitcher in the hot water. Under such tight surveillance, it was impossible to water down the wine. Therefore, after a few days, the tavern keeper said I couldn’t even do that. Fortunately, due to the influence of my patron, the tavern keeper didn’t dismiss me but he assigned me to the insignificant task of just heating wine.

Since then, I spend all day at the counter, doing my specialized job where I couldn’t make any blunders. The thing that bothered me most was that the job was so monotonous and boring. The tavern keeper always glared at me with a fierce face, and the customers were not friendly either. Therefore, I couldn’t slack off even a little bit, except for a few laughs that Kong Yiji brought to us every time he came to the wine tavern. That’s why I can still remember him.

Kong Yiji was the only one who stood drinking while wearing a robe. He was big and tall, yet he had a wan face, often with bruises showing in his wrinkles, and had a bedraggled grizzly beard. Although he wore a robe, the robe, which was well worn out, seemed not to have been mended nor washed for a decade. He used many obscure words and archaic phrases when he spoke that his speech was unintelligible. Because of his surname Kong, someone picked a nonsensical phrase “Shang Da Ren Kong Yi Ji” from the children’s practice book and used this as a nickname for him, “Kong Yiji.”. Each time, the moment he stepped into the tavern, all the customers would look at him and start laughing. Someone would yell: “Kong Yiji, you got a new scar on your face!” He never answered them, he only spoke to the waiter behind the counter: ‘Two bowls of wine heated and a dish of anise beans.’ He then spread out 9 coppers. The customers then intentionally raised their voices: ”You must have stolen something again.” Kong Yiji with his eyes wide open: ”How can you accuse me, an innocent person without any basis?……” “What kind of innocent person? …I saw with my own eyes that you stole the books from the Hes’ and you were hung up and beaten.” Kong Yiji’s face turned red and the veins on his forehead protruded, while defending himself, said: “Stealing books is not a theft, stealing books…is an intellectuals’ business, it’s not a theft! ” Following that he blurted out those archaic phrases, such as “a nobleman sticks to his principles despite poverty” so on and so forth. The crowd would burst into laughter; and the wine tavern once again became lively and rowdy.

I learned from gossips that Kong Yiji used to go to school, but he didn’t pass any of his academic tests in his studies; nor did he learn any practical skills for earning a living. He got increasingly poorer day by day and was close to becoming a beggar. Fortunately, due to his good calligraphy, he was just able to get by, making copies of books for others. Despite this ability, he had another deficiency in his character – he was very lazy. He wouldn’t sit there working for more than a few consecutive days, and always ended up disappearing with the paper, the writing brush and the ink-slab. After a few of such instances, no one would ask him to be a copyist any more. Kong Yiji couldn't come up with any other ideas, and resorted to stealing and pilfering things on occasion. But at our tavern, he was more credit worthy than others. He never welched on his promise to pay. Even when he was really tight in money, he would write down the debt on the chalk board and always cleared the debt within a month and was able to erase his name from the chalk board.

After half a bowl of wine, the flush on his face faded. Someone sitting by him asked ” Kong Yiji, can you really read?” Kong Yiji stared at the guy who asked him, with a look of disdain. The guy carried on ”How come you are not even the lowest scholar?” Kong Yiji looked affronted, his face turning dark, and babbled all the obscure and archaic phrases that no one could understand. At this moment, the people all broke into hilarity and the tavern was permeated with a festive air.

At these instances, I laughed along with the people, and those were the moments the tavern keeper never scolded me for laughing. The tavern keeper had also asked such questions to him many times, just to tease him. Kong Yiji knew that he couldn’t have a regular conversation with them, so he turned to the youngsters. Once, he asked me: “Have you ever gone to school?” I nodded. He then said “You have gone to school, so let me test your knowledge. Do you know how to write the character Hui as the anise in the anise beans?” I thought, a bum like him, in what role is he testing me? I turned my back, ignoring him. Kong Yiji waited for a while, then said earnestly: “You can’t, can you? Let me teach you how. Remember it. It will be useful when you become a tavern keeper. You’ll have to do the books.” I thought to myself that I was a long way from becoming a tavern keeper, and our tavern keeper never wrote down anise beans on the books. He was being ridiculous and annoying, so I answered cooly: ”Who needs you to teach? Isn’t that a Hui as in the back and forth under the grass radical?” Kong Yiji seemed excited, tapping the counter with two long nailed fingers, nodding: “Correct, there are four different ways to write the character, do you know all of them?” I became annoyed, scowled and walked away. Kong Yiji was about to write something on the counter with the nail that had been dipped in the wine. Seeing me uncaring, he sighed, looking as if he had been defeated.

There were times when the kids of the neighborhood came over after hearing the laughter from the tavern. They circled Kong Yiji. Kong would give out anise beans to them, one for each. The kids ate the beans, but stayed there, staring at the dish. Kong Yiji felt flustered. He covered the dish with his palm, bending down: ”Not many left, I don’t have many for myself.” He straightened up, took a look at the beans, shaking his head saying pedantically in his old fashion way ”Not many left, are there? There are not.” The kids would scatter with loud laughter. Kong Yiji was always so funny, but without him, the days still went on as usual.

One day, it was two or three days before the mid-autumn festival, when the tavern keeper was pouring over the accounting, he put down the chalk board, saying all of a sudden: ”It has been a while since Kong Yiji was here last time. He still owes me 19 coppers.” At that moment I realized that it indeed had been a while. A drinker said: ”How can he come, his legs were broken during his beating.” The tavern keeper said “Ah.” “He kept stealing. This time, he must have been crazy. He stole from the house of Official Ding. How does one dare to steal from him?” “And then what.” “Then what? First, he had to write a confession, and then was beaten till midnight. His legs were broken.” “And then?” “Then his legs were broken” “After his legs were broken?” ”Then what? ... Who knows, he is probably dead.” The tavern keeper stopped asking, and went back to his accounting.

After the mid-autumn festival, it was getting colder every day. Winter was about to begin. Though I was by the fire all day long, I had to wear a cotton-padded jacket. It was in the early afternoon, there was not a single customer. I had my eyes closed while sitting there. Out of the blue there was a voice: “Warm a bowl of wine”. The voice was low, yet familiar. I didn’t see anybody so I got to my feet and looked out. It was Kong Yiji facing the threshold, sitting by the counter. His face was dark and taut, like a skeleton. Wearing a worn out jacket, he sat crossed legs on a reed mat which had a rope over his shoulder. He saw me and said: “Warm a bowl of wine.” The tavern keeper also stuck out his head, saying: ”Kong Yiji, you still owe me 19 coppers.” Kong Yiji owing up, replied with embarrassment, “Oh,that, I promise to pay you back next time. This time I have cash. Give me the good wine.” The tavern keeper was as usual, mocking him: ”Kong Yiji, you stole again.” This time he didn’t try to defend himself and answered simply “Don’t shame me.” “Shame you? If you didn’t steal, why were your legs beaten until broken?” Kong Yiji said in a low voice:” I fell down… I fell...” His eyes seemed to plead to the tavern keeper not to mention it. By then, there were already a few people around, they laughed along with the tavern keeper. I heated the wine, brought it out and placed on the threshold. He took out 4 coppers from the very worn out jacket, and put them in my hand. I saw his hands were muddy, thinking he must have walked here on his hands. Before long, he drank up the wine, walked out with his hands and disappearing while the people were still laughing.

Since then, I hadn’t see Kong Yiji for a long time. Around the end of the year, the tavern keeper took down the chalk board, and said ”Kong Yiji still owes me 19 coppers!” During the Dragon Boat Festival the following year, he said again, “Kong Yiji still owes me 19 coppers!” But he didn’t say it at the mid-autumn festival, and Kong Yiji hadn’t shown up at the end of the year either.

I haven’t seen him since — Kong Yiji is probably dead indeed.

March, 1919.


孔乙己

鲁迅

鲁镇的酒店的格局，是和别处不同的：都是当街一个曲尺形的大柜台，柜里面预备着热水，可以随时温酒。做工的人，傍午傍晚散了工，每每花四文铜钱，买一碗 酒，——这是二十多年前的事，现在每碗要涨到十文，——靠柜外站着，热热的喝了休息；倘肯多花一文，便可以买一碟盐煮笋，或者茴香豆，做下酒物了，如果出 到十几文，那就能买一样荤菜，但这些顾客，多是短衣帮，大抵没有这样阔绰。只有穿长衫的，才踱进店面隔壁的房子里，要酒要菜，慢慢地坐喝。
　　我从十二岁起，便在镇口的咸亨酒店里当伙计，掌柜说，样子太傻，怕侍候不了长衫主顾，就在外面做点事罢。外面的短衣主顾，虽然容易说话，但 唠唠叨叨缠夹不清的也很不少。他们往往要亲眼看着黄酒从坛子里舀出，看过壶子底里有水没有，又亲看将壶子放在热水里，然后放心：在这严重兼督下，羼水也很 为难。所以过了几天，掌柜又说我干不了这事。幸亏荐头的情面大，辞退不得，便改为专管温酒的一种无聊职务了。
　　我从此便整天的站在柜台里，专管我的职务。虽然没有什么失职，但总觉得有些单调，有些无聊。掌柜是一副凶脸孔，主顾也没有好声气，教人活泼不得；只有孔乙己到店，才可以笑几声，所以至今还记得。
　　孔乙己是站着喝酒而穿长衫的唯一的人。他身材很高大；青白脸色，皱纹间时常夹些伤痕；一部乱蓬蓬的花白的胡子。穿的虽然是长衫，可是又脏又 破，似乎十多年没有补，也没有洗。他对人说话，总是满口之乎者也，教人半懂不懂的。因为他姓孔，别人便从描红纸⑵上的“上大人孔乙己”这半懂不懂的话里， 替他取下一个绰号，叫作孔乙己。孔乙己一到店，所有喝酒的人便都看着他笑，有的叫道，“孔乙己，你脸上又添上新伤疤了！”他不回答，对柜里说，“温两碗 酒，要一碟茴香豆。”便排出九文大钱。他们又故意的高声嚷道，“你一定又偷了人家的东西了！”孔乙己睁大眼睛说，“你怎么这样凭空污人清白……”“什么清 白？我前天亲眼见你偷了何家的书，吊着打。”孔乙己便涨红了脸，额上的青筋条条绽出，争辩道，“窃书不能算偷……窃书！……读书人的事，能算偷么？”接连 便是难懂的话，什么“君子固穷”⑶，什么“者乎”之类，引得众人都哄笑起来：店内外充满了快活的空气。
　　听人家背地里谈论，孔乙己原来也读过书，但终于没有进学⑷，又不会营生；于是愈过愈穷，弄到将要讨饭了。幸而写得一笔好字，便替人家钞钞 书，换一碗饭吃。可惜他又有一样坏脾气，便是好吃懒做。坐不到几天，便连人和书籍纸张笔砚，一齐失踪。如是几次，叫他钞书的人也没有了。孔乙己没有法，便 免不了偶然做些偷窃的事。但他在我们店里，品行却比别人都好，就是从不拖欠；虽然间或没有现钱，暂时记在粉板上，但不出一月，定然还清，从粉板上拭去了孔 乙己的名字。
　　孔乙己喝过半碗酒，涨红的脸色渐渐复了原，旁人便又问道，“孔乙己，你当真认识字么？”孔乙己看着问他的人，显出不屑置辩的神气。他们便接 着说道，“你怎的连半个秀才也捞不到呢？”孔乙己立刻显出颓唐不安模样，脸上笼上了一层灰色，嘴里说些话；这回可是全是之乎者也之类，一些不懂了。在这时 候，众人也都哄笑起来：店内外充满了快活的空气。
　　在这些时候，我可以附和着笑，掌柜是决不责备的。而且掌柜见了孔乙己，也每每这样问他，引人发笑。孔乙己自己知道不能和他们谈天，便只好向 孩子说话。有一回对我说道，“你读过书么？”我略略点一点头。他说，“读过书，……我便考你一考。茴香豆的茴字，怎样写的？”我想，讨饭一样的人，也配考 我么？便回过脸去，不再理会。孔乙己等了许久，很恳切的说道，“不能写罢？……我教给你，记着！这些字应该记着。将来做掌柜的时候，写账要用。”我暗想我 和掌柜的等级还很远呢，而且我们掌柜也从不将茴香豆上账；又好笑，又不耐烦，懒懒的答他道，“谁要你教，不是草头底下一个来回的回字么？”孔乙己显出极高 兴的样子，将两个指头的长指甲敲着柜台，点头说，“对呀对呀！……回字有四样写法⑸，你知道么？”我愈不耐烦了，努着嘴走远。孔乙己刚用指甲蘸了酒，想在 柜上写字，见我毫不热心，便又叹一口气，显出极惋惜的样子。
　　有几回，邻居孩子听得笑声，也赶热闹，围住了孔乙己。他便给他们吃茴香豆，一人一颗。孩子吃完豆，仍然不散，眼睛都望着碟子。孔乙己着了 慌，伸开五指将碟子罩住，弯腰下去说道，“不多了，我已经不多了。”直起身又看一看豆，自己摇头说，“不多不多！多乎哉？不多也。”⑹于是这一群孩子都在 笑声里走散了。
　　孔乙己是这样的使人快活，可是没有他，别人也便这么过。
　　有一天，大约是中秋前的两三天，掌柜正在慢慢的结账，取下粉板，忽然说，“孔乙己长久没有来了。还欠十九个钱呢！”我才也觉得他的确长久没有 来了。一个喝酒的人说道，“他怎么会来？……他打折了腿了。”掌柜说，“哦！”“他总仍旧是偷。这一回，是自己发昏，竟偷到丁举人家里去了。他家的东西， 偷得的么？”“后来怎么样？”“怎么样？先写服辩⑺，后来是打，打了大半夜，再打折了腿。”“后来呢？”“后来打折了腿了。”“打折了怎样呢？”“怎 样？……谁晓得？许是死了。”掌柜也不再问，仍然慢慢的算他的账。
　　中秋之后，秋风是一天凉比一天，看看将近初冬；我整天的靠着火，也须穿上棉袄了。一天的下半天，没有一个顾客，我正合了眼坐着。忽然间听得 一个声音，“温一碗酒。”这声音虽然极低，却很耳熟。看时又全没有人。站起来向外一望，那孔乙己便在柜台下对了门槛坐着。他脸上黑而且瘦，已经不成样子； 穿一件破夹袄，盘着两腿，下面垫一个蒲包，用草绳在肩上挂住；见了我，又说道，“温一碗酒。”掌柜也伸出头去，一面说，“孔乙己么？你还欠十九个钱呢！” 孔乙己很颓唐的仰面答道，“这……下回还清罢。这一回是现钱，酒要好。”掌柜仍然同平常一样，笑着对他说，“孔乙己，你又偷了东西了！”但他这回却不十分 分辩，单说了一句“不要取笑！”“取笑？要是不偷，怎么会打断腿？”孔乙己低声说道，“跌断，跌，跌……”他的眼色，很像恳求掌柜，不要再提。此时已经聚 集了几个人，便和掌柜都笑了。我温了酒，端出去，放在门槛上。他从破衣袋里摸出四文大钱，放在我手里，见他满手是泥，原来他便用这手走来的。不一会，他喝 完酒，便又在旁人的说笑声中，坐着用这手慢慢走去了。
　　自此以后，又长久没有看见孔乙己。到了年关，掌柜取下粉板说，“孔乙己还欠十九个钱呢！”到第二年的端午，又说“孔乙己还欠十九个钱呢！”到中秋可是没有说，再到年关也没有看见他。
　　我到现在终于没有见——大约孔乙己的确死了。

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　 一九一九年三月。

大话西游之月光宝盒 （片断）

观音：孙悟空，你这个畜生，你为了跟牛魔王的妹妹成亲，居然把你师傅唐三藏作贺礼，还约了妖魔鬼怪一起吃唐僧宴，你认不认错？
悟空：三八婆！你追了我三天三夜，因为你是女人我才不杀你，不要以为我是怕了你！
唐僧：悟空，你怎么可以这样跟观音姐姐讲话呢？
悟空：哗－－！闭嘴！
唐僧：你又吓我！
至尊宝：孙悟空、唐三藏？
观音：你知不知道你已经犯了弥天大罪，你还抢了紫霞仙子的月光宝盒，分明就是想避开我嘛！
悟空：既然避不了，我老孙就跟你决一死战！

（将月光宝盒一抛）

唐僧：干什么呀？

（月光宝盒向至尊宝飞来，至尊宝伸手去接，却被唐僧抢先接过去。）

唐僧：哎哟，悟空你也真调皮呀！我叫你不要乱扔东西呀，唉，乱扔东西是不对……哎呀话没有说完你怎么把棍子也扔掉了？月光宝盒是宝物，乱扔它会污染环境，唉，砸到小朋友怎么办？就算砸不到小朋友砸到花花草草也不好嘛！

（悟空一把抓住宝盒。）

唐僧：你干什么？
悟空：放手！
唐僧：你想要啊？你想要说清楚就行了吗？你想要的话我会给你的，你想要我当然不会不给你啦！不可能你说要我不给你，你说不要我却偏要给你，大家讲道理嘛！现在我数三下，你要说清楚你要不要……
悟空：我Kao！

（一拳打倒唐僧）

观音：啊？孙悟空！
悟空：哈哈哈哈哈！大家看到啦？这个家伙没事就长篇大论婆婆妈妈叽叽歪歪，就好象整天有一只苍蝇，嗡……对不起，不是一只，是一堆苍蝇围着你，嗡…嗡…嗡…嗡…飞到你的耳朵里面，救命啊！救命啊！

(悟空倒地翻滚，异常痛苦。)

悟空：所以呢我就抓住苍蝇挤破它的肚皮把它的肠子扯出来再用它的肠子勒住他的脖子用力一拉，呵－－！整条舌头都伸出来啦！我再手起刀落，哗－－！整个世界清净了。现在大家知道，我为什么要杀他！
唐僧：真的吗？
观音：诸多借口，你根本不想去取西经，不管怎么解释，也不能原谅你欺师灭祖的行为！
唐僧：姐姐，这是你的不对了！
观音：啊？
唐僧：悟空他要吃我，只不过是一个构思，还没有成为事实，你又没有证据，他又何罪之有呢？不如等他吃了我之后，你有凭有据，再定他的罪也不迟啊！
观音：唐三藏，你罗嗦我早就听说过了，不过没想到你居然这么罗嗦！我给你的金刚圈要你用来制伏这猴子你居然不用！
唐 僧：唉，那个金刚圈尺寸太差，前重后轻左宽右窄，他带上之后很不舒服，整晚失眠，会连累我嘛！他虽然是个猴子，可是你也不能这样对他，官府知道了会说我虐待动物的！说起那个金刚圈，啊，去年我在陈家村认识了一位铁匠，他手工精美、价钱又公道、童叟无欺，干脆我介绍你再定做一个吧！
悟空：闭嘴！
观音：闭嘴！

（悟空和观音同时伸手去掐唐僧的脖子，等一掐着观音才猛然惊觉，急忙缩回手去。）

观音：罪过罪过！
悟空：现在你也体会我的痛苦了吧？回答我！
（悟空用月光宝盒向观音打去，被观音挡飞。至尊宝上前去接，却又被唐僧抢先接住。一番斗法，悟空被观音降服，收进甘露瓶。）
观音：今天我要替天行道！
唐僧：观音姐姐手下留情啊！试问人谁无过，他总算是我的徒弟，徒弟有错作师傅的也有责任，求姐姐放他一条生路吧！
观音：我不消灭他无法向玉皇大帝交代！
唐僧：我不会使你为难的。请观音姐姐跟玉皇大帝说一声，贫僧愿意一命赔一命！正所谓我不入地狱谁入地狱？求姐姐你体谅，我这样做，无非是想感化劣徒，以配合我佛慈悲的大无畏精神啊！

(唐僧合十坐地，将月光宝盒放在一旁。)

观音：善哉善哉！悟空，希望你有一天能够领悟到你师傅这种舍生取义的精神。

唐僧：(将法杖向空中一抛)

喃呒阿弥陀佛！

A Chinese Odyssey Part One:Pandora's Box


Guanyin (Goddess of Mercy): Sun Wukong, you are such a cad (brute). In order to marry the sister of Bull King, you went as far as to take your master Tang Sanzang as a gift and invite the devils and ghosts to a banquet to eat him. Do you admit that?

Sun Wukong: You bitch! You have chased me for three days and three nights. The only reason I didn’t kill you is because you are a woman, not because I was afraid of you!

Tang Seng: Wukong, how can you talk to Sister Guanyin in such a manner?

Wukong: Grr, shut up!

Tang Seng: You are trying to scare me again.

Joker: Sun Wukong, Tan Sanzang?

Guanyin: Do you know what a heinous crime you have committed? You took the Pandora’s box from Fairy Zixia. Aren’t you trying to hide from me?

Wukong: Since it is impossible to hide from you, let’s fight to the death!

(Wukong carelessly tosses aside the Pandora’s box.)

Tangseng: What are you doing?

(The Pandora’s box is flying to the Joker. Joker tries to catch it, but Tang Seng grabs it first.)

Tangseng: Oh, my… Wukong, you are such a naughty boy. I have told you not to throw things around. It is not right to throw things… I am not finished; yet, you are tossing your staff now! The Pandora’s box is a treasure. You are polluting the environment by throwing it away. Ayah, what if it hit a child? Even if it doesn’t hit a child, it doesn’t do any good for the flowers and grass!

(Wukong clutches the Pandora’s box.)

Tangseng: What are you doing?

Wukong: Let go of it!

Tangseng: You want it? Wukong, if you want it, you only need say so. If you want it, I will give it to you. If you want it, I certainly will not refuse to give it to you. It is impossible that if you want it, that I wouldn’t give it back to you, and it is impossible that if you wouldn’t want it, whereupon I would insist on giving it back to you. We must be reasonable! Let me count to three. You state it clearly whether you want it or not…

Wukong: Damn!

(Wukong punches Tangseng to the ground.)

Guanyin: Ah? Sun Wukong!

Wukong: Ha Ha, you all see this? This guy is full of shit, like old women who talk incessantly on nothing - like a fly buzzing all the time. Buzzing…sorry, not just one, but a swarm of flies surrounding you. Buzz….Buzz… flying to your ears. Save me, please save me.

(Wukong is rolling on the ground, in great pain.)

Wukong: So, I grabbed the fly, cut its belly, pulled out its intestine, strangled its neck with its intestine, and gave a forceful pull. Aha… Its tongue was completely out. And then I raised the sword, and chopped it. Ha, the entire world became silent. Now everybody is clear why I want to kill him!

Tang Seng: Is that true?

Guanyin: These are all your pretextes. You don’t really want to get the Holy Scriptures at all. No matter what you say, you unscrupulous behavior is unforgivable!

Tang Seng: Sister, this time you are wrong!

Guanyin: Ah?

Tang Seng: That Wukong wants to eat me is just a hypothesis, which has not become a fact. Without evidence, how can you accuse him of any crime? You must wait until he eats me. It is not too late to wait until that moment when you get sufficient evidence.

Guanyin: Tang Sanzang, I have long heard about your anoyance, but I never thought you would be as annoying as this. I gave you the gold headband to control this monkey. But you didn’t even use it!

Tang Seng: Ai. The size of that headband is way off. It is too heavy in the front and too light in the other end, too broad on the left and too narrow on the right. He felt so uncomfortable wearing it. It turned him into an insomniac. It bothered me, also. Although he is a monkey, you can’t treat him like this. If the government knew what I did to him, I will be accused of animal abuse. Speaking of that gold headband, last year I got to know a blacksmith in the Village Chen. He is very skillful and charges a reasonable price. He treats both the old and young with honesty. Let me introduce him to you so that you can order a new headband!

Wu Kong: Quiet!

Guanyin: Quiet!

(Both Wukong and Guanyin extend their hands to clutch the neck of Tang seng. Guanyin, shocked at herself, pulling back her hand instantly.)

Guanyin: I’ve sinned!

Wukong: Now you can understand my pains! Come on, agree!

(Wukong flings the Pandora’s Box towards Guanyin. Guanyin brushes it away. Joke moves on to catch it, but Tang Seng grabs it again. After a fierce fight, Wukong is defeated by Guanyin and drawn into the Holy Vase.)

Guanyin: Today I am bringing justice to the world!

Tang Seng: Please be merciful, Sister Guanyin. Who has never made a mistake? Anyway, he is my disciple. A master has to take responsibility for the faults of his disciple. Please spare his life, Sister.

Guanyin: If I don’t exterminate him, I can’t go back to answer the Jade Emperor!

Tangseng: I won’t make your life difficult. Please deliver a message to the Jade Emperor for me. I would like to exchange my life for his. As it is said, if I don’t go to hell, who should? Please understand me. What I am doing is to teach my disciple, which is also in line with the spirit of fearlessness of the magnanimous Buddha.

(Tengseng makes the Zen gesture, placing the Pandora’s box aside.).

Guanyin: Good grief! Wu Kong, I hope that one day you will understand your master’s spirit to sacrifice himself for the holy cause.

Tangseng: (Throws his staff to the sky.)

Namo Amita Buddha!